"Ol'Boy, congratulations".
"What is it this time? What mischief are you up to?"
"Bring your hand first"
"Look, don't waste my time. I have very important things to worry about"
"I say bring your hand. Do you know what I want to tell you?"
"Please yourself"
"Hen hen. Look at this story. The Federal Government has declared total war against Boko Haram and all forms of insurgency. It said it is prepared to use all means possible to ensure security of lives and property in the country”
"And what has that got to do with me?"
"It means you can still have faith in this country and continue to live in Nigeria. Relocating abroad doesn't help anyone”
"Should somebody like you be telling me that? What do you know about live in a foreign land sef? You that has never been to an airport. Ah beg"
"Oh sorry, my master, I forgot that someone like you is so rich, and can afford to relocate abroad and pay huge taxes and help “whites” develop their own country at the expense of our own.
“But I heard that your sister works four jobs in America including SOS and Mortuary attendant. You wan go join am abi?
"It is grade A job compared to your “sit-down-look, jobless status" seven years after NYSC. You are not qualified to lecture me” Did you watch the network news last night?”
“Which one of them”? Network News of TVC News, Channels or AIT?”
“What do those ones know? The only Network News I know is the CNN. I hear Boko Haram kidnapped two first class traditional rulers in Borno state – the Emir of Uba, Ismaila Mamza and the Emir of Gwoza, Idrisa Timta. The two emirs were seized by gun-wielding insurgents while they were travelling to Gombe to attend the funeral of the Emir of Gombe, Shehu Abubakar, who died while undergoing treatment for cancer”
“You see, you are always watching the bad news about Nigeria on foreign media; that's all they know how to do best. Nothing more, more more”
“And that's why you, a poor graduate of mass communication have been sitting at home with your first class egg-head; and lecture me on why Isha Sesay should not conduct an interview”
“That girl should have gone to interview Baba in Ota and she for hear am. I trust Baba”
“Did you watch his your Baba's interview on why Boko Haram did not disturb his government?”
“No. I don't watch bad news”
“That's bad news in itself”
“Look, don't insult me o. If you want to travel abroad to go and be washing plates and dead bodies, suit yourself. Set forth quickly. Leave us alone. The President has assured us time and time again that it is well”
“Yeah, it is well, even a well without water. Sit-down there and think it will pass. Did you hear of the diffused bomb in Broad street two weeks ago? Did you hear why Lagos state government shifted the passing out parade of outgoing youth corps members in the state? The fear of Boko Haram, my friend. Pack your bags and leave this country before Red Cross packs you in a bag”
“Things will not continue like this forever.”
“That's what Jonathan told us five years ago; same o same! Remember, it's over 2 months now that those small poor girls where forcefully invited to excursion in Sambisa forest. Yet your president said they are on top of it. You are too gullible to read between the lines? This government cannot even protect itself”
"I see that you are bent on running away from this country”
"If that's what you call setting forth for my destiny, please yourself. I will not be here and let Shekau use me to act his film”
"Which film”
"Haa. You don't know Abubakar Shekau is acting the next season of 24? That guy should win TIME's man of the year. For daring Jonathan and even Obama”
"Craze dey worry you o”
“Person wey dey craze dey for Aro”
“Believe it, Abubakar Shekau is ruling this country. When he sneezes, Jonathan shivers. My brother, shine your eyes. Let's leave this country and send dollar home to our people. Did you hear that Dare is now in New Jersey? That poor boy in your class, way back in secondary school is now earning dollars. You are here wasting and rotting away, believing in a ill-equipped military to bring back your girls”
“Our millitary will defeat Boko Haram soon”
“That's what every government official has been telling us since 2009, looks like a bad copy of a familiar one.”
“Believe”
“Believe me, that 2015 will be worse. APC will make live miserable for Jonathan and all you “faithless-believers” will suffer for it in the hands of the Bomb- man Shekau” dey there, dey believe o”
“Oh, I see you are now supporting the opposition. Are they better off?”
“PDP has been ruling this country since I was in school; are we better off”
“na you sabi”
“No. Answer me na”
“You can say all you want, am not going to leave this country for anywhere. Nigeria is my fatherland”
“Point of correction, am not leaving for just anywhere. I am leaving for America, the land of possibilities; where freedom is free and everyone either black or white can be president”
“Ha. Ha. Ha. Where every man at the grocery store can call you a Negro....”
…..interruption....radio plays the national anthem
Announcer: In what appears as a coup, unconfirmed reports say Boko Haram is waging serious attack on the Aso Rock; the president is believed to have been assassinated while all effort to reach the state house proved abortive. We enjoin all to be careful and pray for the....
“You see, what am talking about? I knew it. I knew it. Shekau is now officially the President. He has finally overthrown the government”
“Shut up. Set out if you want to and stop this false prophecy. It will not come to pass”
“By the way, I need to re-book my flight. America here I come!
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